Tuesdays with Dory: Horrifying Bug Edition

This is clearly threatening me.

 Dear Dory:

I've heard that the cicadas are coming again this year. Weren't they just here in 2004? I thought they came every 17 years! Anyway, how can I protect myself?!?

Sincerely,

Terrified in Takoma Park,

Dear Terrified:

It's true, the mid-Atlantic may again be terrorized by cicadas this year. Apparently there are different "broods" of the 17-year cicadas occupying different territories.

Here's a map:

(I was going to add a photo, but Kristen said no; cicadas are too gross to appear on the blog.)

In 2004, Brood X scared the living daylights out of us; this year, it's Brood II, which should be popping up mostly in Virginia, southern Maryland and a random blob in Pennsylvania.

Most of Maryland should be safe, but if you're worried, here are some tips:

• Carry a fly swatter everywhere, and whack the bejesus out of any cicada that dares to get near you.
• Go to the beach; cicadas live in trees and the nymphs burrow into the ground beneath them, then climb up and latch on to shed their shells. No trees = no cicadas.
• Send your goggie out to eat them. I hear goggies love eating cicadas. 
• Hide inside. They're so horrifying, it seems like they're hanging around all summer, but really, it's just a few weeks, and they should be gone by the end of June.

 And keep your windows shut. They are REALLY loud. 

Good luck, and have a purrrrrrrrfect day!

Dory