On being homeless--thanks Alcova Mortgage!

Today is the day we were supposed to close on our new house.

Were.

For the last several weeks, we've been repeatedly assured by our real estate agent and loan officer that everything was on track for settlement. No problems. All systems go. Etc.

So yesterday, we sold our condo as scheduled. The plan was then to rent the condo back for a couple of days, settle on our new house today, move in on Thursday, and be happy, happy homeowners who lived happily ever after.

And then we got a call.

The underwriters, those wily minxes, are behind on the paperwork.

We can't close today.


So, just to recap, we sold the place we live in, and, because of a paperwork screw up among the lobotomized monkeys underwriting loans for Alcova Mortgage, who have had TWO MONTHS to get this mess together, we cannot yet purchase the home we are to move into.

We're homeless.


We're not living under a bridge yet, fortunately. Thankfully, the gentleman who purchased our condo isn't planning to move in until June 28, and he has been kind enough to offer to let us continue to rent the condo until then.

But technically, we're homeless.

And if they don't get this mess fixed by the 28th, we will be looking for a cushy spot under an overpass.


Our buying agent is on vacation. As such, the agent who sold our condo, who I can only assume CP found by throwing darts at the phone book, is acting as our buying agent as well. She keeps saying incredibly reassuring things.

Things like, "I hear you, it's a tough situation." (Really? "Tough situation"? We have no home.)
"Don't stress. Let me stress for you." (Um, YOU'RE NOT HOMELESS!)
"This really hardly ever happens." (I do not CARE how often it does or doesn't happen. It's happening RIGHT NOW. TO ME.)


Sure, worse things could happen. I could contract ebola, or Knit Picks could go under.

But as far as moving goes in general, this is a pretty crap situation.

We have everything arranged to move tomorrow:

Movers scheduled--we'd have to reschedule and hope they're available.
Condo building freight elevator reserved--we can't move without it, and it's usually reserved weeks in advance.
Utilities cancelled/transferred--I guess we'll be sitting around a dark, hot condo with no tv. Did I mention today's high is 98?
Everything packed: 99% of our possessions are in boxes; we have on hand only what we needed for a couple days.
Food: we don't have any, because you don't buy groceries when you're going to move in 2 days.

And we're in complete limbo. No one can tell us when we might close. We can't cancel anything, we can't reschedule anything, we can't make arrangements of any kind. Should we unpack things? Buy food? We don't know. It is now 11:30am on the day we were supposed to close, and we have zero to go on.

But wait--the mortgage company has offered to cover any additional costs we might incur because of this delay. Well thank goodness! Because money fixes everything! Just throw money at the problem and it will resolve itself!

Thanks Alcova Mortgage!